Slept horribly last night. 😦 I think it’s a combination of the sweaty heat, and that today is Monday. I hate Mondays 😦 I really battle to adjust to work again. Seeing Matthew and Joshua’s little faces this morning when they woke up really stung me in the heart. They’re so gorgeous and my heart longs to stay home with them and raise them myself. I guess I’m just feeling particularly sensitive at the moment. Not only do I have to work instead of looking after them, but I can’t get them all the things they need and want.
Matthew’s classmates all have a Ben 10 backpack for school. Matthew has a plain blue backpack and it’s making me feel so sh!t that I can’t get him the Ben 10 one. He’s asked so many times and each time I have to tell him an excuse as to why I can’t get it, it kills me inside. I know it’s material objects, but it’s not like it’s a big thing kwim? It’s a backpack for goodness sakes! R100 is alot of money to us these days though, and is better used towards bread and milk.
I feel bad though, in general I feel bad today. If it weren’t for Matthew and Joshua I can’t actually think of any other reason to be around.
I just needed to get this out. The tears needed to flow.