Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks!

As you know, I’m a 33 year old single mom of 2 little boys. I’ve been separated for almost a year now and my divorce is being processed.

A month ago a good male-friend of mine, C, commented to me that it must be hard for me to find a date because I’m a single mom. I swore blind that men aren’t that shallow and they don’t get put off by something like that, if they meet someone they really like then that doesn’t matter to them.

Well, I’ve been chatting to another male-friend, A, for a few weeks now. We get along really well and have great laughs. So he admitted to me on Sunday night that he would never date a single mom. His reason? Why should he have to take responsibility of “some lazy loser’s kids”. *BIG sigh* I didn’t realise that men felt this way… so I asked some more male-friends.

Male-friend, S, agrees with A, BUT male-friend J, doesn’t agree. He says it actually isn’t a big deal for him whether a woman has children or not. He did hesitate to answer though. lol! 😉 And lastly, my other male-friend, R, agreed with A, however he said that it would depend on the circumstances. R said that if he met a woman he really liked then he would love her and accept her children. He did mention that it was easier to form a relationship with younger children than with teenagers. Fair enough.

I processed this all in my circus/fairground brain last night… lying awake thinking how different this outlook is to mine. In my early 20’s I met a man who was divorced, with 2 kids. I fell in love with him and with his kids. There were difficult times, I won’t lie, but I pushed on because I loved him and if I loved him, then I’d learn to love his children too. Almost 11 years down the line, we got married, had 2 of our own children and are now getting divorced. I still love my stepchildren very much, we’re in contact often and my stepdaughter still calls me Mommy. I can’t look back at this and regret it, never ever will. And I’d do it again. I feel very blessed to have been such a big part of my stepchildren’s lives and I hope I always remain a part of their lives.

So I lay in bed last night, in the dark sweaty heat of this African summer, lol, and I felt a sting of sadness and hurt at hearing this… do all men feel this way? Does it not count that I’m a decent, fun-loving person? But because I’m a single mom I’m “no go territory”? I know I can’t generalise and think that all men surely feel the same way, but the majority of my male-friends said they do. So … what does that lead me to believe?

What if the roles were reversed? If you, a male, are divorced and have custody of your kids, but most women won’t date you because you’re a single dad. Not because you have a bad breath or you fart repeatedly on the first date or you have redneck tendencies… no, because you are a single dad.

I’d be really interested to hear more views/opinions on this. 🙂 Thanks for reading. 🙂 xxx

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8 thoughts on “Mars Attacks!

    1. I left a comment on your blog. What an eye-opener! Thanks for sharing this with me Cath, I feel a whole lot better. I laughed and cried and… wow… just too amazing. 🙂 xx

  1. I know you wanted the male perspective and all but I wouldn’t date a single dad if I had just met the guy and had to go through the whole getting to know you process etc etc. It’s way way way too complicated and there will always be that other person in your relationship.

  2. My children are my priority. Sure, I share custody, but I will always be a dad. I need someone who can understand that, and who can engage with my children. I’m not looking for a step-mom in a partner, but if they “don’t like kids”, well, sorry- not the person for me. I have found someone who is incredibly sensitive to that. And who is also brilliant with my kids, without usurping the role of mother. I guess we’re compatible. I’d hate to put my kids through a series of temp mom figures. I care for my gf’s kids, and her role with them. They are older and more or less independent. So. My opinion is: a parent will be a package deal. No amount of partying can undo that.

  3. I was a single mom with two boys when I got married a second time…. and I was a single mom with three kids when I got married for a third time to a man who has three kids of his own… so six kids in total.

    If the man loves YOU enough, I personally feel he will work out the details.

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