Since the 1st of May my life has had a whirlwind of change. From having my hair cut short and dyed a fiery red, to losing someone extremely close to me, to moving into my first home together, just my boys and I. It’s been a lot of heartache, much soul-searching and buckets of prayers to get us to where we are today.
I resolved to put my “love life”… or want of a “love-life” on hold and get my life on track with regards to work, where we’re living and making sure my children are feeling settled, loved and happy.
I’ve turned down numerous dates and flirts, feeling as though it’s just not the right time for us. I say “us” because it’s my children that are dealing with all this change too and not only me. And in my life, my children come first, then me. So I need to make sure we’re all okay, before I think of involving anyone else in my life.
I was wondering though… how long is long enough to wait before I go on a date again, before I feel as though I want to meet someone. I’m starting to feel a change now, as though I’m ready to start meeting people again. I want to be romanced and made to feel special. I’ve been in a bad space and have been trying to figure out why anyone would want to date me, let alone have a proper relationship with me.
Last night I spent the night with a very good friend, her hubby, her kids and my kids. Seeing how her hubby hugged her and lovingly spoke to her made me want that. Hmmm… hopefully it’s in my future.
With Joshua’s Principal recommending OT and more speech therapy… and Josh not having good upper body muscle strength I decided to go to my GP as he’s studied paediatrics on the side and is so good with my kids. I told him this is the story with school and his report, I can’t afford speech therapy and OT and Joshua is showing signs of ADHD/ADD… so what advice can he give me.
He checked Josh out and watched him, and listened to all the things I described about Joshua’s behaviour. He said that we could safely say that Joshua is attention deficit and that medication would help him as well as OT and more speech therapy. I told him that I’ll start on the natural medication for ADD and he listened to me… then said that in his experience, he doesn’t recommend the natural route, and he thinks that Joshua will benefit from Ritalin. He said that there’s been so many more studies and tests on Ritalin.
My GP then showed us pictures of the brain and the chemicals that get excreted in certain ways and how Joshua’s is probably working. That was very interesting.
So I told him that it’s holidays now and I’m not going to put him on it now. I’ll try it one weekend where I can see how he is. Then take it from there. I did tell him that I’m apprehensive, but I do want what’s best for Josh.
My GP could see how worried I was and he said well done for bringing Josh in now and trying to get help now. Since seeing Josh in this light has given me more patience with him. I understand now that he’s battling with certain things and that I have to approach things a bit differently now.. find a way that’ll work for us.
So not having money to do speech therapy and OT is a problem. There is however a remedial school, Kenmont, near where I live and I know people who’s kids go there. The classes are smaller and they have OT and speech therapy built into their day to day class routine.
I’m not sure if this is the route to go, I’m going to speak to the principal and teacher when the new term starts at school. I’m not sure what to do, just want what’s best for Josh for now and in the future.
It’s a new journey for us and one that I’ll try get as much information on as possible.
… since I last blogged… I remember a stage when I would sometimes blog a few times a day!
In my defense, much has happened in the past month and a half.
A very special close family member died on 1 May 2012, my mom-in-law, Margaret. Margaret and I got along well most of the time and I had and still have a very deep respect for her. Margaret helped raise my children for me since they were 4 months old and I had to return to work. She treated Matthew and Joshua better than I could ever have imagined. I owe her a great deal for all the love and attention she showered on my boys.
It was a huge shock to lose Margaret. She was a key player in so many parts of my life, as well as that of my children. The morning she died I had to figure out how to tell Matthew and Joshua that their beloved Ouma was not with us anymore. My heart was shattered. Matthew cried a lot, Joshie just a bit. He’s so young and confused. We often talk about Ouma Margaret and I’ll always keep her memory alive as she made such a huge impact in our lives. I miss you Ma, I hope you’re looking down on us and seeing how gorgeous your two boys are. You loved them with all your heart and soul.
Five days after I lost Margaret, I was told to vacate where I was staying and find someone else to look after my children when they came home from school. I cried a lot and then pulled myself together. Friends covered us with prayers and I managed to find us a beautiful little flat next to the boys’ school. Super convenient seeing as I don’t have a car. 🙂 The school also managed to find 2 spots in their aftercare for my boys. So it was set, 1 June a new life for us all.
It has been hectic emotionally and physically … all the change. They say “change is good” but at the time it seems like your world is falling apart. I’ve had to suck it up big time and pull out a new arrangement for the boys and I in so many ways but it happened. With the support of friends, family and of course, the big man himself, God. We’ve come a long way and we still have to get through some stuff, but it’s going to be okay. Now if only I had that washing machine. 🙂