Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe Karin! I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, it’s quite something. ADHD in the brain and not physically. Physically I am totally the opposite. Pity as if I was way more energetic I’d get around to doing more housework and lose some weight in the process. If only hey?

Which brings me to this quote I just stumbled across…

“If you’re not brave enough to take the first step, then you’ll never know how far you can go.”

I want to take the first step, to learning a skill that I can utilise on my own to work online from home.

I had a recent scare with a suspected stroke. My health has taken a serious dive this year. And I miss spending time with my kids. I want to be around them more since the stroke scare, which also resulted in severe anxiety. I’m working through the anxiety well, which I am proud of myself for. Okay I am relying on mild medication to help me through, but I have to work on it as a whole in my personal capacity. There is a light at the end of the dark tunnel.

My next step is to set myself up online from home, assisting people… or businesses with a skill I have. I really want this, so badly. #TrustInGod

I’m Banting my Ass off

I’m Banting my Ass off

And it seems to be working! I’ve been overweight for most of my life and been on just about every diet imaginable… even that horrid cabbage soup diet where all I did was blow up and blow wind.

Then I found and read The Real Meal Revolution by Professor Tim Noakes, a South African just like me. Well this way of eating… this new lifestyle… is taking South Africans by storm. There are so many sites popping up and great support groups on Facebook. Inspiration is everywhere to be found.

I did my research in December and January and prepared myself by reading peoples’ stories, recipes, blogs, posts and on 26 January 2015 I started Banting and I’ve never looked back. By 2 March 2015 I’d already lost 9kg. Wow it’s a lot I know. I have a lot of weight to lose so it’s a great start… just another 30 or 40kgs to go… *sigh* it sounds insurmountable reading that doesn’t it? Well I’ll just do 10kgs at a time. I’m almost at my first goal.

Some of the Banting recipes are a hit with my kids, especially the youngest, Josh. He’s a fan of tasting all kinds of food and he loves his veggies so I test all my foods on him. He always wants more.

I’m keeping focused on the main goal, which is my health. Last year was one of my worst years health-wise and after having extensive blood tests done, the doctor could find nothing wrong. There and then I decided that I had to change my way of eating. All the bad things I was putting into my body was not good for me. For 37 years I’ve eaten badly. If I want another 37 years of life with my children then I need to start looking after the body I have. My children are my main inspiration.

I will admit, I have a slight bit of a cheat every now and then. I won’t cut out carbs forever, but he spoons of sugar I definately do not miss! Only that slice of decadent cheesecake… mmmm. How about that for a 10kg loss prize? 🙂

And of course I said YES!

And of course I said YES!

I turned 36 years young on Saturday, 12th October 2013.

The night before some friends of mine invited my boyfriend B and our (collective) kids over for a birthday dinner. We had a great time, they had my fave there – potato curry with roti and wine of course. We were sitting around the table on the patio having wine and after dinner chat, when two of my friends blindfolded me! According to them I was getting the other part of my birthday present. Oh yippee!

Just as I was getting a bit anxious not being able to see anything, I heard Mirrors by Justin Timberlake start playing and they took the blindfold off… I saw something I’ll never forget as long as I live! There in front of me on a little wall were standing my sons Matthew and Joshua, B’s daughter KA and of course B himself… each one of them holding a printed pink, white and black sign, each with a word on it saying… “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”. B was holding the “ME” one.

Shocked! Overwhelmed! And of course YES!! Words cannot describe how I felt… Never had I dreamed that B would propose to me on my birthday… nor in such a special incredible way. I get goosebumps every time I think of it. He put the ring on my finger and I was in tears. Then the bubbly flowed.

I am so in love with you B that simple mere words could not describe what I feel for you. I’ve known for a very long time that I wanted to spend my life with you and to know that you feel the same way makes me feel as though I’m the luckiest woman alive. Thank you for being such a huge part of my boys lives and for accepting and loving us all for who we are. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you and grow with you. xxx

Some Joshua-isms

Some Joshua-isms

My little Aspie son fills my life with many different things, laughter and amazement being just two things he makes me feel on a daily basis. Joshua will come up with the most random, cutest, unique sayings or ways of seeing things. I just love seeing the world through his eyes. Sometimes I wish I could know what was going on in his thoughts but I guess I never will.

Like for example when my fiance (yes that’s another post entirely!) turned off the bathroom light while Joshua was still in there… Josh exclaims “Help! My eyes are off!”.

Or when we’re walking to school one morning and I ask Joshua to pull up his socks, he pulls up his shorts. I ask again for him to pull up his socks, he again pulls up his shorts. This goes on for about 3 more times. Eventually I have to stop him and show him his pants. He says “Oh!” and pulls up his socks… takes a few steps forwards, then tells me that he’s given himself a wedgie by pulling his pants up too high.

When I need his help around the house, I have to say “Oink” loudly, then he’ll come running. He’s in love with Bad Piggies (from the Angry Birds bunch) and he even has an Oink language now.

Josh has an extremely fixated interest in Ariel Washing Powder. He’ll tell you all about. He has memorised the tv adverts and when we bought a bag of it he was like a kid on Christmas morning. He insisted on carrying the bag all the way home, stroked it in the car and then bugged me relentlessly when we got home to do one load of washing with it.

And the time when he started taking Straterra for the first time, he insisted on reading the package insert… I discreetly had to hide it somewhere.

In the mornings when he wakes up, he has the most wonderful stories to tell me and mostly it’s because he’s “nocturnal” and is busy with other stuff all night long.

So it is what it is

So it is what it is

My last post was about my Joshie and him being assessed.

Well, we saw the Paed last Tuesday and he confirmed that Joshua, without a doubt, has Aspergers Syndrome. I informed Joshua’s Educ Psych who agreed with the diagnosis. All well and good because I knew he had it anyway… did I? I researched this for months and knew he was an Aspie before they told me…

But then why am I taking this so badly? I cried for the first 24 hours on and off. My sadness and anxiety is centered around whether I can get Joshua through this well enough for him to become the well-adjusted adult that he deserves to be. Will the medicine harm him in any way? Will he get into the remedial school I need to apply to? Can I afford the remedial school and the new uniforms etc? Will Joshua thrive at the remedial school? Will he be happy? Will I be able to make it easy on him? Will I be able to make his life good?

All these thoughts keep flying through my head. It’s all on my shoulders and I don’t want to stuff this up. It’s my baby’s life for goodness sake. Well okay he’s not my baby as he’s 7yo next month, but deep down he’ll always be my baby.

I won’t stop researching on Aspergers. I won’t stop trying to help Joshua with this in any way that I can. I am very determined. He’s an amazing, intelligent, qwerky, gorgeous child and I love him with all my heart. My eldest, Matthew, is amazing with Joshua and I couldn’t ask for better boys.

Just this last Sunday the boys were eating brekkie at the table and Joshie pipes up to me, “Mommy, you make every day the best day”. My heart is full. 🙂

Until we know…

Until we know…

Until we know what it is and the correct way to handle it and progress forward… I am fumbling in the dark as to how to help my youngest son Joshua.

Joshua potentially has ADHD or Aspergers or who knows. He is currently being assessed by an Educational Psychologist, a really lovely lady, who I have placed my trust and faith in.

Joshua is extremely adorable and gorgeous. I love this little guy to absolute bits. He challenges me in ways I don’t think he’s aware of though. Joshua doesn’t hear me much when I speak to him or ask him to do something. I have to gently move his face to look at me and even then he diverts his eyes away sometimes, scared he’ll miss something else going on… or just because his thoughts are maybe immersed in something else that has his attention.

Joshua can talk both hind legs off a donkey. And if you ask him to please stop or ask him if his mouth gets sore from all the talking, he’ll take a pause, look at you with a confused expression, and then just carry on talking. He doesn’t seem to notice if you have maybe switched off to the conversation or if you are not listening anymore. It’s not that I don’t want to listen, but at times I’m so exhausted that I just cannot listen to a full 15 minutes of a certain type of trading card that he’s designing.
Joshua is such a creative imaginative child. He astounds me with the thoughts that are in his head. I am not sure if they’re moving too fast for him to keep still and focus on for a decent amount of time…

I am not sure what is going on. All I know is that my beautiful boy is gifted. He’ll make up the most amazing story from scratch… or he’ll draw a whole comic strip featuring a story he’s made up… or he’ll design his own trading cards from pieces of cardboard he’s cut up.

Joshua is also an avid bookworm. He’s been reading since he was in Grade R and he hasn’t stopped. I have always encouraged reading with my boys and I’m so proud to have two bookworms. I can only ever see good coming from it. Joshua will come home from school and take his big brother, Matthew’s school reader book and read it finished. He isn’t interested in his Grade 1 reader. He’ll also stand over Matthew’s shoulder while Matthew is doing his Maths homework and try help Matthew.

Where Joshua battles is his concentration in the classroom, his concentration in most situations, except to watch a movie or play a PC, PS2 or PSP game. He mostly cannot sit still, fidgets, jumps continuously, will flap his arms, will make the strangest poses while standing watching a movie.
Sometimes I lose my cool and I get so frustrated. I hate that I don’t have more time to be able to be the one to teach him the Speech Therapy or the Occupational Therapy that he needs. I hate that I don’t have more patience to sit and explain things better to him or wait longer for him to do things. He is so easily distracted and I just wish I knew the right way to guide him and also discipline him when he gets out of line. I just want to do it all and do it all right. But I am one person and a single parent. My resources are minimal, especially with regards to finance.

I am not sure what the diagnosis will be at the end of Joshua’s assessments, but I’m determined that no matter what I will help my little guy through this. I just pray for strength and guidance for myself and my family to be able to help Joshua achieve his full potential as I know in my heart that this little boy is extremely gifted and has something very special to offer the world.