Shops are armed with red and white hearts fanfare and …. STUFF (I really wanted to say SHIT) … all over! Florists, supermarkets, restaurants, pharmacies, tea-rooms and even shoe shops are cashing in on the hype of Valentine’s Day.
And on this here my blog… I’ll be the scrooge of Valentine’s Day. I absolutely LOATHE this day. I hate it SO much. 😦
As a little girl growing up I anticipated receiving cards and fluffy bears holding red hearts delivered into my post box. I used to look a few times a day in the post box on the 14th of February each and every year and there was never anything in there for me. Growing up as a teen this just carried on. Glory I never learnt did I? As a working woman I would envy the other ladies in the office who would get bouquets of flowers delivered to them at work. I would smile and ooh and aah and be so incredibly envious of them. I never let it show of course, but it hurt not to ever receive something like that.
So now, at the age of 34 (going on 24) I have decided that enough is enough. Fuck this Valentine’s shit! I will never get a bouquet delivered to my work on Valentine’s Day. Nor will I get a cute card or a fluffy bear. I won’t be taken out to dinner and given a cheesy red rose either. Why? Because this never happens to me. I have never been surprised or spoilt on Valentine’s Day before.
Just a note, before you say “every day should be the day of love, not just Valentine’s Day”… I don’t get spoilt on those days either. So just clam it!
Disclaimer: No I am not PMSing. I am just gatvol with this Valentine’s hype and being single and lonely during this period really makes me feel yucky and sad and yes, you get the picture.
Yeah so… I ain’t perfect. Wow, imagine that?! So fuck it then… all my imperfections can go straight to my Fuck-It List.
Imperfections and Fuck-It’s listed as follows, randomly and in no particular order of importance:-
I am overweight – I constantly try dieting. I love food. I’ve always been bigger than other girls. Gah.
I am an almost divorcee – as of 17 November 2011 I shall be a divorced single mom of 2.
I am not rich – in fact I just make it by most months.
I don’t have my driver’s license – Something I’ll always wish to have.
I catch the bus to and from work – It’s actually not bad.
I live in a granny flat and don’t have much privacy – refer to the “am not rich part”.
I don’t have much in material forms – I’d love me a flat screen, a lounge suite and a new double bed.
I have sleep apnea – I am supposed to sleep with a CPAP machine and mask however it’s broken.
I am not on a medical aid – Refer to “am not rich” and “broken CPAP machine”.
I have depression – I take Serdep for it, hopefully not forever. I’m working on this.
My ankles become cankles in the summer as they swell so much. Argh I hate this.
Emotionally I’m slightly damaged – long story. But it’s finished and gone and I’m working on this too.
My Yeehaa List:-
I have 2 absolutely beautiful and perfect sons.
I have a job and am a PA, something I enjoy doing.
I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my cupboard.
My sons love me to bits and I’m very honoured to be their mom.
I have 2 loving protective brothers.
I have a caring mom I can talk to about anything at any time, even though she lives far away.
I have friends who give me hugs and lend an ear.
I have a few little luxuries that I’ve been fortunate enough to win or been given as gifts.
I live near the beach, which is a natural therapy.
I have my health, for the most part, and am able to play with my children.
Emotionally I’m fighting for my confidence and self-esteem, I’m determined to grow stronger with each passing day. I WILL stand up and be counted!
Okay, that’s that for now. Move along now folks, nothing else to see… 😉
So many people have a “Bucket List”… which is a list of things they want to do/accomplish before they die.
Well, I thought about it and decided I want to create a “Fuckit List” for myself. A list of things that I can just write down on a piece of paper, say adios to, and shred in the paper shredder, literally.
We carry around so much stress, anger, resentment, hatred, negativity etc, that it just makes a person’s life miserable and pushes you closer to needing a Bucket List.
So from now on, all those things that make me unhappy, stressful, that hurt me, including the people responsible therefore, are going on my Fuckit List.