How long is long enough?

How long is long enough?

Since the 1st of May my life has had a whirlwind of change. From having my hair cut short and dyed a fiery red, to losing someone extremely close to me, to moving into my first home together, just my boys and I. It’s been a lot of heartache, much soul-searching and buckets of prayers to get us to where we are today.

I resolved to put my “love life”… or want of a “love-life” on hold and get my life on track with regards to work, where we’re living and making sure my children are feeling settled, loved and happy.

I’ve turned down numerous dates and flirts, feeling as though it’s just not the right time for us. I say “us” because it’s my children that are dealing with all this change too and not only me. And in my life, my children come first, then me. So I need to make sure we’re all okay, before I think of involving anyone else in my life.

I was wondering though… how long is long enough to wait before I go on a date again, before I feel as though I want to meet someone. I’m starting to feel a change now, as though I’m ready to start meeting people again. I want to be romanced and made to feel special. I’ve been in a bad space and have been trying to figure out why anyone would want to date me, let alone have a proper relationship with me.

Last night I spent the night with a very good friend, her hubby, her kids and my kids. Seeing how her hubby hugged her and lovingly spoke to her made me want that. Hmmm… hopefully it’s in my future.

Brothers are Blessings

Brothers are Blessings

I have 2 brothers, one older and one younger, and through the years we’ve always stayed close, no matter the actual distance separating us.

Having 2 sons, I have deep hopes for them to also be as close to each other as I am to my siblings. I know I can talk to my brothers about anything at any time and they’re there for me, ready to lend an ear, give me some advice, swear someone for me or tell me they want to beat the offending ex-boyfriend up. One thing about being a woman with brothers, you always have your own bouncers at hand. 😀

Last night we camped in the lounge of our flat, me on the single bed and the 2 boys on the mattress on the floor. During the night Matthew of course climbed up and joined me, snuggling up next to me. I absolutely love it. But this morning when he woke up, it was his little brother, Joshua, who he wanted to be with, and mom was forgotten.

Matthew snuggled up next to Joshua, put his arm over his sleeping little brother and whispered “I love you’s” to him. My heart bulged through my chest and I had this huge grin across my face. This was just one of the many moments that my sons give me daily where my heart just swells with love and pride.

In the same breath, the one who is awake first won’t rest and stop making a noise until he has woken his sleeping sibling up. Something that I keep working on and I have a feeling will be working on for a long time to come still.

We may not have much materially or go to lavish places and shop a lot, but wow, we sure have a huge abundance of love in our little family. I’m so incredibly proud of my boys and I couldn’t have asked for God to bless me more than he did when he brought Matthew and Joshua into my life. ❤

Damn these deceiving eyes of mine

Damn these deceiving eyes of mine

… that keep producing this salty water that runs at random when I’m trying to keep it all together.

This isn’t an angry post. It has been edited quite a bit as it was initially a “snot-and-tears” post. I’m since feeling a heck of a lot better. 🙂

Please… for future reference to all men out there, take heed of the following:-

1. My kids and I come as a package, that’s it. No bargaining or whatever. That’s just it. You want to date me, you date all of me, and that includes my 2 little boys. KAPISH!

2. My kids are going to act up. They’re KIDS! They’re going to get rowdy, run around, get excited, get loud and animated. They’re also going to wrap their tiny little hands around your one finger to stay close to you, or sit on your lap for comfort when they’re feeling a bit anxious. That’s called love.

3. My kids are sometimes going to regurgitate their food. What goes in must come out somewhere! And if they’ve taken a mouthful of something they’re not enjoying, it’ll come out the top. Look away, let me clean it up and laugh it off. It’s NORMAL! You did it too, plenty.

4. Snot… it happens! ‘Nuff said.

5. At the end of a long day, if you’re tired and feel exhausted by these 2 little boys, relax and rest, they will too. And they’ll snuggle up to you and fall asleep, feeling so content and happy and being that much more closer to you. Don’t think that your efforts are wasted. Kids see everything and they’ll love you for giving them your time and attention.

6. My kids do take up a lot of my time when they’re with me. If you want to be with me, they’re going to be with me a lot of the time, so you have to think about whether you want to be in this wholly or not.

7. When my kids are around, my attention is going to be on them a lot of the time. Please don’t think that I’m ignoring you. I know you there and it’s eating me up inside that I can’t be snuggling up with you at that particular moment, but it’s just one of those things. My kids are little individuals who really need me at the moment, and come hell or high water I’m going to be there for them. Just remember that when they’re asleep, you’ll have me all to yourself… and then naughty Karin comes out to play. 😉

These are not rules or guidelines, this is just the reality and truth of my life. My kids ARE my life. I am an individual and I love me for who I am. Also, remember that I also have plenty extra love and attention to give and if you’re willing to go the distance to be with me, you’ll be showered with love and attention and will be allowed to let your inner kid come out to play, as often as you wish (even with me!). My kids come first, if you can accept that and live with it then just know that you’ll come a VERY close second. If not, I’m sorry, but please let me know sooner rather than later. My boys and I love easily and freely and I’d rather save them from as much hurt as I can.

I know this post might seem similiar to a friend’s dating post on her blog… I do draw a lot of inspiration from her (CJ) and she’s an amazing person. Mine is just centered more around my kids and how I’m feeling at the moment. I needed to get this out there. I’m tired of being used. No more. I draw the line here. ____________ (See? I drew the line).

Boo!

Boo!

Remember me? ;-p Yes, it’s been a while. I haven’t had decent computer access for a few months and my life has change drastically over the past year. Much to say, however can’t say it all as it’s extremely personal. Here’s a bit of news though… 😉

Short and sweetly, I am now separated and have just found a job this month after being unemployed for a few months. I am extremely greatful for my job and thank my friend TG profusely for helping as my job hunting was getting nowhere fast. The unemployment rate in South Africa is shocking and I my heart goes out to all those South Africans or worldwide people that are battling to find a job.

Joshua turned 4 years old in October and to celebrate the event we threw him a tiny party that he absolutely loved! Even Matthew had a blast.

In October we attended Matthew’s Grade 1 Orientation Day at the school that he’ll be attending in 2011. It was so much fun for Matthew, he’s so happy and can’t wait to start. I just know there will be plenty tears from my side when he starts school in January 2011. My hearts are growing so quickly. “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, because you’re amazing just the way are”.

This month, our office is having a Christmas party which is going to be absolutely divine. Something for me to look forward to. Plus Christmas is coming up… my favourite time of year. I will keep in touch as much as I can, thanks for reading my blog. xxx