Wow it’s been quite some time…

Wow it’s been quite some time…

… since I last blogged… I remember a stage when I would sometimes blog a few times a day!

In my defense, much has happened in the past month and a half.

A very special close family member died on 1 May 2012, my mom-in-law, Margaret. Margaret and I got along well most of the time and I had and still have a very deep respect for her. Margaret helped raise my children for me since they were 4 months old and I had to return to work. She treated Matthew and Joshua better than I could ever have imagined. I owe her a great deal for all the love and attention she showered on my boys.

It was a huge shock to lose Margaret. She was a key player in so many parts of my life, as well as that of my children. The morning she died I had to figure out how to tell Matthew and Joshua that their beloved Ouma was not with us anymore. My heart was shattered. Matthew cried a lot, Joshie just a bit. He’s so young and confused. We often talk about Ouma Margaret and I’ll always keep her memory alive as she made such a huge impact in our lives. I miss you Ma, I hope you’re looking down on us and seeing how gorgeous your two boys are. You loved them with all your heart and soul.

Five days after I lost Margaret, I was told to vacate where I was staying and find someone else to look after my children when they came home from school. I cried a lot and then pulled myself together. Friends covered us with prayers and I managed to find us a beautiful little flat next to the boys’ school. Super convenient seeing as I don’t have a car. 🙂 The school also managed to find 2 spots in their aftercare for my boys. So it was set, 1 June a new life for us all.

It has been hectic emotionally and physically … all the change. They say “change is good” but at the time it seems like your world is falling apart. I’ve had to suck it up big time and pull out a new arrangement for the boys and I in so many ways but it happened. With the support of friends, family and of course, the big man himself, God. We’ve come a long way and we still have to get through some stuff, but it’s going to be okay. Now if only I had that washing machine. 🙂

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Happy to the 8th birthday my Matthew!

Happy to the 8th birthday my Matthew!

A very heartfelt birthday wish to my firstborn son, Matthew, who turns 8 years old today. Well, to be precise, at 12:20pm today, he will be 8 years old officially!

For Matthew, it’s a hugely exciting occasion, celebrating his birthday. It’s fun and happy and he gets spoilt and treated as though he’s King for a Day! He has a chocolate cake with a big “8” candle on it that he blew out this morning when we sang to him. He took home-made cupcakes to school for his class and teacher. He has a play at school today (just fluke that it happens on his birthday but all the more a treat for him and Joshua). And tonight they are getting taken for a burger and chips at Spur. They LOVE Spur. 😀

For Joshua, it’s exciting too! He also got a little gift to celebrate and he walked around this morning telling everyone at school that it is his brother’s birthday. Proud little boy, my angel Joshua, who no matter how big he gets, will always be the baby one in my heart.

For me, it’s a very emotional and proud day. I reflect back to the day of Matthew’s birth. Arriving at dawn at the hospital for a scheduled c-section, bulging tummy on the morning of Friday, 23rd April 2004. The c-section itself was awful, but meeting my firstborn little baby boy for the first time was a moment no words could ever describe.

He was a big boy, 4.13kgs and 53cm long. He lay all squashed up in an incubator sleeping. I was wheeled up in my wheelchair next to him, opened up the little round window and spoke to him. These 2 beautiful little blue eyes shot open and look straight at me. He knew me!!! It was love at first sight for both of us. Haha, Matt is inseparable from me even now.

A little poem I scrapbooked with… for my Matthew and Joshua too…

“No matter who you become
I will always remember you like today
So forgive me if I struggle
To recognize the man you will become
But I’m just a mom
Trying to hold onto the memory
Of my sweet little boy”.

Apologies as I don’t know who wrote it, but it’s beautiful.

Matthew, I wish you all the happiness in the universe, for now and always. You are my heart and soul and everything in my life revolves around you and Joshua. I love you more than life itself.

Happy birthday my handsome, precious, incredible son. ❤

Two pics, of Matthew at this age and of him at age 6 months old. 🙂

It’s not fair! *stomps foot*

It’s not fair! *stomps foot*

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

My stupid alarm rang this Tuesday morning at the glorious “rise and shine” time of 5:30am. It’s winter, dark and cold. And I’m tired. I so badly want to sleep some more, just a bit more… so I hit the “snooze” button. A blink later and it’s off again…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

Argh… Nooooo! I get up and shut the offending sound off. Sit and stare into the dark, sleeping with my eyes opened. Wake the hell up Karin! I peel of the layers of clothes (I dress like a Yeti in winter at bedtime) and enter the shower. This always does the trick and thank goodness this morning it still works like a charm in waking me up.

After this I go into the kitchen, make coffee and lunches for the boys and I. Joshua was awake just after me so we were chatting while I did the morning routine. It was past the time for Matthew to wake up, so I got into bed next to him, hugged him and softly told him to wake up. He moaned, he groaned, he wanted to sleep more. *sigh* Don’t we all. I tried my best, but thought i’d let him have an extra 5 minutes.

After 4 minutes it sounded like an ogre had entered the lounge/kitchen area of my flat. Matt came stomping through, red-faced, hair standing up all over the place, eyes huge and angry. And boy did he moan and groan. He lay on the couch in the lounge, moaning because Josh was talking, because Josh was breathing, moaning because he wanted to sleep and why wasn’t it weekend? May I remind you, this is only Tuesday.

I told him about sunshine and butterflies waiting for him outside and a whole new day to play and make new friends. The death stare I got in return I accepted as I kinda felt I deserved that one.

Then the tears started. He sobbed and moaned so much about having to wake up. He covered himself in a blanket and kicked and fought with nothing. Poor Josh got the brunt of it. I did intervene of course, but it made me stand and watch this story and think… It’s not fair!

I also want to kick and scream and cry and moan when it’s wake-up time! I also want to tell everyone to shut the hell up so I can go back to sleep! I also want to cover myself with a blanket and kick and tell the world to bugger off until I FEEL like waking up. I want to stomp my foot and sound like an ogre and be angry with everyone around me for having stupid sunny-shiny smiles on their faces! *THWACK*

But I’m a big people now. A grown-up. Which means I can’t do that, especially a single-mom grown-up. I have to get up, without complaining so that I can cheer the boys up to face their day with a smile, while inwards I can’t wait to swallow my anti-depressant… which is my “little helper”. hehe… I have to make lunches, walk the boys to school and then get a bus to town, then walk a bit to get another bus to my office complex. Walk into the complex to my building and work.

I guess just watching this tantrum unfold this morning made me chuckle inside as I thought to myself… “My son, this is NOTHING! Wait until life starts actually getting harder”. I can just imagine myself all old and grey, telling my 30 year old son to think of sunshine and butterflies and playing with new friends. He’d have me admitted for sure. Hey, at least I can sleep late there!

Memories

Memories

I remembered something this morning as I was chatting to a friend on FB. I was telling him about how last night I had both Matt and Josh in my bed with me and we were talking and singing songs. It was so lovely to snuggle up with them and talk about silly things or serious things… watch them yawn and smile with closed eyes… tell me they loved me… ask me for a hug, then drift off to sleep. Gosh they’re angelic when they sleep, like angelic dolls. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect.

Then I remembered how, as a little girl, I would snuggle up to my mom at bed time in her bed. She’d be reading a book and I’d be lying next to her day-dreaming about this and that… and my favourite thing would be to ask her to tell me about her wedding day – the day she and my dad got married. She’d sigh and tell me about it and answer my questions. I remember her not entirely enjoying the conversation, but I’d lie there all starry-eyed picturing it all in my head and wondering what my wedding day would be like.

My mom was also a single mom, for many years. My mom and dad divorced when I was around 3 years old. My older brother and I lived with my mom and my mom remarried when I was a teenager. Thinking back, I suppose it hurt my mom to talk about her wedding day, but she always gave in and let me bombard her with questions about it. I’ve never thought to ask her if it was just bad memories… or perhaps she was just tired of me asking about the same old thing all the time.

So I’m wondering if the boys will ever ask me about my wedding day. I have photos at home and they love looking at them. So I guess they probably won’t, seeing that it’s usually a little girl who dreams about her wedding day.

Me on my wedding day in 2003
If I think back, I remember being so in love on my wedding day and so incredibly excited. I also remember all the stress that came with it. Like for instance, the DJ who go lost along the way, and then when he did arrive there his equipment didn’t work. And I did spend a lot of the time feeling incredibly nauseas, only to find out on honeymoon that I was pregnant with Matthew. ❤ So all in all an eventful occasion I'd say!

I've said lately that I'd never marry again. But we truly don't know what the future holds do we?

With that said, I hope that these nights or even days of snuggling up in bed with my 2 little guys never ends… and that we'll always be comfortable enough to discuss our dreams and goals with each other, or even sing silly little songs.

A great weekend

A great weekend

Human Rights Day falls on 21 March 2011 here in South Africa so that afforded us hard-working citizens a long weekend! Yay! It was absolutely lovely, however very busy. Please allow me to share what shananigans and mischief we got up to.

On Friday night, the boys watched a dvd and I finished reading a great book by Amanda Hocking called “My Blood Approves”. It’s the first in a series consisting of 4 novels. I can’t wait to start the next one. The next morning I did a mountain of washing, hung it up and proceeded to relive the beautiful tale of Cinderella by dressing in some rags and going down on all fours to scrub floors and walls. My knees are still not friends with me.

I made my little boys lunch and then we went for a little outing to the shops with Ouma to get a few essentials. Ouma spoilt the boys with a Gogo Crazy Bones toy each. Lucky little munchkins! When we got home, I embarked on my main weekend project! A braai! Here in South Africa, one of our favourite pastimes is braaiing. A braai is a BBQ, held over an open fire, which is contained in a “braai” stand or Weber. We use firelighters and charcoal, sometimes chopped wood.

I put charcoal and firelighters in the braai and lit the firelighters. They flamed to life immediately and I chased the boys away, paranoid mom lighting a fire in the garden for the first time is not to be taken lightly. Matt and Josh watched excitedly from a distance then started gathering “firewood” (twigs and leaves) to make their own little pretend braai. To cut a long story short, and a lot of fanning, the fire was good and I was able to braai our chicken pieces to perfection. All this whilst making a potato salad and a curried bean salad.

Matt and Josh had such a fun time playing outside in the sand under the trees that come supper time they were so filthy. So I popped them into the bath, scrubbed them til they sparkled (no, not like Edward Cullen) and plonked them at their dinner table to enjoy Mom’s-first-braai-and-not-burnt-offerings. After dinner, I made popcorn and we all settled down to watch Toy Story 3 on Mnet, which sadly didn’t materialise, so we settled on Avatar… yet again. Luckily my boys really like the blue people so I read a book whilst sitting next to them.

On Sunday morning I lay in bed with my boys and we snuggled a bit, played tickles and gave each other lots of hugs and kisses. Well each other meaning them to me and me to them. Matt and Josh aren’t that big on hugging and kissing each other. It’s a love/hate thing. 😉 I started preparing lunch while we watched Fantastic Mr Fox on TV. I also prepared a batch of choc/mint muffins for after lunch.

After lunch, Oupa and Ouma took the boys and I on an outing to the Golden Hours Flea Market in Durban North. It was really awesome there. They have a few stalls selling different wares, plus a few little stalls selling food/drinks and a big seating area under the trees for you to relax and watch a singer playing songs on his guitar and computer.

In another huge open section is the play area. There is so much to play on that the boys literally just run in circles trying to decide where to go first! Ouma gave them money to go on a mini Ferris Wheel which was absolutely adorable. And Josh went on an airplane ride. After that we went to the boys’ uncle’s house to have a little visit and swim. A perfect way to end a lovely afternoon. That night, after the boys were fed and bathed and put into bed, I went out with a friend. We went to Galleria for a Dom Pedro and a movie – Red Riding Hood. I had a really lovely time. 🙂

On Monday morning bright and early, I hung up more washing, then packed the boys up as Kerri and her kiddies were meeting us to go to the rockpools at the beach. It was a scorcher of a day, around 34 degrees Celsius, and that’s not including the humidity levels! Luckily it was low tide so the kids all played in the rockpools which were absolutely teeming with life! A man even caught an octopus but thankully let it go back into the ocean after we all had a good ogle at it. We then swam in the big tidal pool which was absolutely FREEZING! Josh clung to me like a little monkey, och, so cute! We didn’t stay too long as the sun was brutal.

For lunch I made the boys Spongebob’s Crabby Patties! Which are actually just plain beef burger patties. 😉 They wolfed it down then played outside and watched dvds and I had a snooze under the fan… ahhh bliss I tell you!

That evening I got picked up and taken out to Gateway where we had a lovely dinner at Piatto and walked around Gateway for ages just chatting and having fun. I had a squizz in the tattoo parlour and found some interesting ideas for my next tattoo. 🙂

So here I am at work, back at the grindstone, but fulfilled… it was a good weekend and I got to spend it with very special people. ❤ ya all. xx

Tickles and Twinkles

Tickles and Twinkles

I am absolutely blessed and honoured to have been given the gift of motherhood. I gave birth to two incredibly beautiful little boys, Matthew and Joshua, who leave me speechless when I so much as look into their big blue eyes while they tell me they love me. No love can compare to this.

After work last night I lay on the bed and watched cartoons with Matthew and Joshua, while we chatted about the day. I love tickling Matthew, he’s *so* ticklish (just like his mom… sssshhhh!) and Joshua is too, but not as much… he just lies there giggling and wiggling. Matthew actually runs for the hills. I was enjoying having the upper hand when the two of them ganged up together and ambushed me! They tickled and tickled and tickled me so much. My whole body was one huge goosebump! I was screaming and wriggling and the boys though it was HUGE fun! I was not enjoying it, but they were, so I played along. Eventually I had to wave the white flag. Wowee… I still have goosies!

A few minutes later it was bedtime and I took Matthew to bed whilst granny took Joshua to bed. Now, when Matthew was a baby I always used to sing him to sleep… and I can’t sing to save my life, but for some reason, this cute little cherub loved it and I continued to sing him to sleep as he got older. He is turning 7 in April and last night he asked me to sing him to sleep. Whilst laying there thinking of what to sing, he asked for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Just as I was about to sing, he started singing a version that I’ve never heard before. It was so incredibly cute! I recorded him singing it, he sounds rather sleepy though, but listen closely.

I love listening to his cute little voice… aww! After I sang a few songs for him, he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face, and asking in a little voice “hug me please Mommy”. 😀 My heart is full (As Mozzer sings).

Matt Singing : http://audioboo.fm/boos/281241-matt-singing

Monkey goes to school!

Monkey goes to school!

My monkey-boy, Matthew, started Grade 1 on Wednesday, 19 January 2011. What a huge momentous occasion! Well, I was uber excited and Matthew was jumping around like crazy. So yeah, huge celebration.

I got Matthew ready for school on the morning and then him and Joshua took out Matthew’s baby photo album and paged through it. Certainly not what I needed when I was already on the verge of sobbing, but I put on my “big girl panties” and sucked it up, took the boys outside and made them pose for pictures.

Monkey & Teddy Bear

I know I’m extremely biased, and every parent is, but heck I’ve got gorgeous kids! *puffy heart*

At school, Matthew walked in proudly (and me too *blush*) and we found his classroom, seated him and I proceeded to get more snap happy. Yeah yeah… don’t say it. 😉

This is where I proceed to get soppy… so stop reading now if you’re not in the mood for it. lol 😀

Over 6 years ago, I gave birth to this huge baby of 4.13kgs who was all scrunched up and chubby. He was ill so they had to squeeeeeze him into this poor incubator. Shame poor kid was all squashed up, too cute. 😀 I fell in love, the most intense love ever. And I did it again just over 4 years ago with Joshua, except he didn’t need to go into an incubator and only weighed 3.77kgs. 😉

Some people think kids are too much money and too much time… but thank goodness not everyone thinks/feels that way or else we’d be a pretty bare planet. My boys are huge shining stars in my life. They keep me going, they guide me to the light and happiness, and I’ll never run out of hugs and kisses. They look up to me, cuddle up to me and think I’m wonderful. They keep me grounded and keep me young. With them I can jump on my bed and belt out silly songs, blow tummy raspberries and fall around laughing, lie in the pool and have them clamber over me for hugs, lie in bed reading silly rhymes by Dr Seuss, and I get to watch all the kids movies! I’m the luckiest person for having them and I hope they read this one day and know just how much I love them.