A couple of Fuck-It’s and a bunch of Yeehaa’s!!

A couple of Fuck-It’s and a bunch of Yeehaa’s!!

Yeah so… I ain’t perfect. Wow, imagine that?! So fuck it then… all my imperfections can go straight to my Fuck-It List.

Imperfections and Fuck-It’s listed as follows, randomly and in no particular order of importance:-

I am overweight – I constantly try dieting. I love food. I’ve always been bigger than other girls. Gah.
I am an almost divorcee – as of 17 November 2011 I shall be a divorced single mom of 2.
I am not rich – in fact I just make it by most months.
I don’t have my driver’s license – Something I’ll always wish to have.
I catch the bus to and from work – It’s actually not bad.
I live in a granny flat and don’t have much privacy – refer to the “am not rich part”.
I don’t have much in material forms – I’d love me a flat screen, a lounge suite and a new double bed.
I have sleep apnea – I am supposed to sleep with a CPAP machine and mask however it’s broken.
I am not on a medical aid – Refer to “am not rich” and “broken CPAP machine”.
I have depression – I take Serdep for it, hopefully not forever. I’m working on this.
My ankles become cankles in the summer as they swell so much. Argh I hate this.
Emotionally I’m slightly damaged – long story. But it’s finished and gone and I’m working on this too.

My Yeehaa List:-

I have 2 absolutely beautiful and perfect sons.
I have a job and am a PA, something I enjoy doing.
I have a roof over my head, clothes on my body and food in my cupboard.
My sons love me to bits and I’m very honoured to be their mom.
I have 2 loving protective brothers.
I have a caring mom I can talk to about anything at any time, even though she lives far away.
I have friends who give me hugs and lend an ear.
I have a few little luxuries that I’ve been fortunate enough to win or been given as gifts.
I live near the beach, which is a natural therapy.
I have my health, for the most part, and am able to play with my children.
Emotionally I’m fighting for my confidence and self-esteem, I’m determined to grow stronger with each passing day. I WILL stand up and be counted!

Okay, that’s that for now. Move along now folks, nothing else to see… 😉

Them naughty snakes

Them naughty snakes

Last night I dreamt about snakes. There were a few in the garden, I don’t know this garden, it was just a house and garden that I’ve never seen before. I managed to get one snake into a bowl and I took a scissors and cut it’s head off. *gag* I know, but the boys were there and I was scared. It was a thin skinny snake.

In another part of the dream I was on top of a tree or tall chair or something that I was sort of lying on. I felt something by my head moving around and there was this snake … like a cobra/viper/puff adder type (I’m so clueless about snakes) curling around my head, in my hair. It was long, huge and fat. I moved out of fright and the snake bit me with these two HUGE fangs. I started getting dizzy and lethargic, however I managed to grab a hold of him behind his head and I killed him somehow. He was green and brown with yellow markings on him, in a pattern. I was okay, didn’t need hospitalisation or anything, lol.

So I logged onto trust Google and found quite a bit of stuff on dream interpretation about snakes… the following are excerpts that I’ve just cut and paste:-

“If you have a snake around your body this can show some type of entrapment and real problems in a relationship. This can signify marital difficulties and divorce. Even though this may be a negative situation and cause problems the feeling of happiness will return eventually.”

“If the snake is frightening you in any way then this dream relates to trying to overcome a difficult problem or a troublesome person.”

“Often this dream occurs when you are suffering some kind of grief or separation in your life. The symbolism of the snake sense time to close the door on a period of your life and move on. “

“If the snake in your dream is an Adder then this is directly associated with a friend. This dream as an ancient interpretation that the Adder are likely to mean that you are going to encounter some deceit upon those future if the outer runs away from new then this is an indication that you are likely to be able to overcome this difficult situation. It is important to you to and your character.”

“If you kill more than one or two snakes indicates that you are in danger of likely enemies that wish to do you harm. Ensure that you are not cheated by someone you trust in the future. “

“If you kill a snake then you’re going to have a great opportunity to advance yourself in respect others around you – this is a positive dream in that your going to overcome all obstacles that stand in your way.”

A lot of this is true… however the part of a friend being deceitful isn’t nice to read. So I’m puzzling all of this when a friend, M, gives me her own interpretation of my dream:-

“The snake in the bowl is your ex. The boys were watching you cut the head off and it indicates you’ve finally make the break, for the sake of your boys.
The other snake that bits you is representing your general fear of men/relationships and stepping into the unknown.
The snakes in the garden indicate that you feel a bit scared about what is out in the world for you. Quite understandable.
But I think it’s very positive that you were managing to protect your boys from the snakes.”

I think she did pretty well don’t you? 😀

I then found this quite interesting… The Freud Snake Interpretation…

“Freud believed that the dream of snake is directly related to some aspects of of emotional passion. He believed that the dreamer needed to come to terms with his or her own personality has been a oppressed due to his or her urge of sexuality. On a more basic level this dream also has a direct relationship with the penis. If we look at ancient history the snake or serpent signifies the evil as illustrated in the Garden of Eden yet Freud thought this dream was a direct interpretation of an uncontrolled passion. The snake or serpent also suggest some type of temptation and this search for spiritual power.”

That does make me laugh… and also hits home… 😉 This I especially liked:-

“The message of this dream is that you need to recognise that negative energies have existed and it is time to clear the air and move on in your life.”

I’ve always had a fear of snakes. It’s not a phobia… I can touch a snake/boa and be near them, but I generally really dislike them. So dreaming about them doesn’t feel pleasant to me. Reading all the different interpretations I’m picking out what I think applies to my life as it stands now and I can see a lot of coincidences.

Be it true or not… be it just a stupid old dream… I’m going to take that last bold paragraph away from this. It’s positive and I can work with that. Snakes… I may not like them, I may find it difficult to deal with being around them, but if I can take that I defeated my fears in my dreams… then maybe I can defeat them in real life too. 😀

Snort Sniffle SNORE!

Snort Sniffle SNORE!

I was chatting to a friend on MSN this morning and he said something to me that made me think a bit… yeah I know… I did take 2 paracetamol for the pain. 😉

He said: “ur really sweet, i have no idea why someone hasnt snapped you up”. (sic)

How sweet is that? *blush*

Um sorry, returning to the point, I answered that I think it’s because I’m chubby and I snore. I wonder if it is so. I prefer to say curvy or voluptuous, but let’s just call it what it is, I’m chubby, curvy+, voluptuous uber. I don’t skinny dip, I do indeed chunky dunk. And damn it’s fun!

And yes I snore, not a cute little purring kitten snore. A huge loud roaring snore that rattles the windows!

I guess are the kind of things one leaves off of their Online Dating profile? … Oh dear… oops! 😉

A letter to an awesome super hero

A letter to an awesome super hero

Dear Batman,

My handsome, muscled Dark Knight! So many conversations, so much shared… I just shine the Batman sign to the night sky and you’re there.

Who could resist Batman? Definately not me. Swooning and drooling … that became the order of the day!

However, because you’re so far away in Gotham City, it makes things difficult for us. We discussed it at length and decided that star-crossed lovers wouldn’t work.

I need to say though that I miss your dark cape swishing through the night and the thought of those lips that would never kiss mine… and I’m sad. 😥

But I’m a strong gal and Batman has to do his Bat Things! And I have to do my … strong gal things.

I’m getting this out there so that you know exactly how I feel. However, I can’t extinguish that little flame of hope. It will be there for a long time still. Just look for it in my window.

Signed with love
Pepper Potts
(I know she’s from Iron Man, but I just love her name and her character)



I’m dying to blog about something really meaningful and important… but I can’t seem to come up with anything at the moment. There are plenty meaningful and important things happening in my life on a daily basis, but some of them I don’t want to air on the www because I know who reads here and some things are best left private.

How private are you with your feelings and personal life? I’m very private… but if someone earns my trust then I open up totally. Having said that… I do trust rather easily, something I’m working on. 😉

I know a lot of people who are extremely private and don’t open up their feelings that easily, nor do they trust easily. I understand where they’re coming from and respect it and I often wish I could have a few of those traits, however I don’t. I’ve always been a sensitive, trusting, loving, honest and open person – traits that are bound to land a person in hot water, often!

I’ve learnt a lot though as the years have passed and with life experiences I have toughened up a lot! Not enough I know but perhaps in another 10 years time things will be different. I’m not sure I’d like to be much different because believe it or not I actually quite like who I am. lol ;-p And I like to think that’s a good thing!

I look at some people I know, and believe me I love them just the way they are, and they’re tough and strong and can handle alot of life’s punches SO easily, it seems… however I can’t imagine myself being like that. Is that a bad thing?

Am I being random again? I think random is my middle name. 😉

I wonder how much of this I’m passing on to my sons. I’m sure they’re picking up traits of mine, I just hope they have a lot more confidence than me. I wish this for them. They need this growing up because it’s a hard world out there and I don’t want them being bullied or walked over… things that I had to deal with. We only want the best for our children don’t we? I just hope that I get it right.

Thanks, as always, for reading my arb ramblings and nonsensical rubbish. Take care cupcakes! ❤

Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks!

As you know, I’m a 33 year old single mom of 2 little boys. I’ve been separated for almost a year now and my divorce is being processed.

A month ago a good male-friend of mine, C, commented to me that it must be hard for me to find a date because I’m a single mom. I swore blind that men aren’t that shallow and they don’t get put off by something like that, if they meet someone they really like then that doesn’t matter to them.

Well, I’ve been chatting to another male-friend, A, for a few weeks now. We get along really well and have great laughs. So he admitted to me on Sunday night that he would never date a single mom. His reason? Why should he have to take responsibility of “some lazy loser’s kids”. *BIG sigh* I didn’t realise that men felt this way… so I asked some more male-friends.

Male-friend, S, agrees with A, BUT male-friend J, doesn’t agree. He says it actually isn’t a big deal for him whether a woman has children or not. He did hesitate to answer though. lol! 😉 And lastly, my other male-friend, R, agreed with A, however he said that it would depend on the circumstances. R said that if he met a woman he really liked then he would love her and accept her children. He did mention that it was easier to form a relationship with younger children than with teenagers. Fair enough.

I processed this all in my circus/fairground brain last night… lying awake thinking how different this outlook is to mine. In my early 20’s I met a man who was divorced, with 2 kids. I fell in love with him and with his kids. There were difficult times, I won’t lie, but I pushed on because I loved him and if I loved him, then I’d learn to love his children too. Almost 11 years down the line, we got married, had 2 of our own children and are now getting divorced. I still love my stepchildren very much, we’re in contact often and my stepdaughter still calls me Mommy. I can’t look back at this and regret it, never ever will. And I’d do it again. I feel very blessed to have been such a big part of my stepchildren’s lives and I hope I always remain a part of their lives.

So I lay in bed last night, in the dark sweaty heat of this African summer, lol, and I felt a sting of sadness and hurt at hearing this… do all men feel this way? Does it not count that I’m a decent, fun-loving person? But because I’m a single mom I’m “no go territory”? I know I can’t generalise and think that all men surely feel the same way, but the majority of my male-friends said they do. So … what does that lead me to believe?

What if the roles were reversed? If you, a male, are divorced and have custody of your kids, but most women won’t date you because you’re a single dad. Not because you have a bad breath or you fart repeatedly on the first date or you have redneck tendencies… no, because you are a single dad.

I’d be really interested to hear more views/opinions on this. 🙂 Thanks for reading. 🙂 xxx

A glowing heart… sometimes heavy

A glowing heart… sometimes heavy

We all have issues and people my age and older have a past. We can’t get away from it, it happened. We accept it as best we can and move on, look forward to the future with hope and possibility in our hearts. Well, I do in any case. Sometimes though, I feel that because I’ve had quite a hectic past that I get judged on this … as if people like who I am, but don’t want to have to deal with my “baggage”.

I don’t carry my “baggage” on my back for all to see. I’ve dealt with it and it’s filed away. I am honest though and am not scared to share my life experiences. And I certainly don’t expect anyone else to deal with it. My issues and problems are mine. Be there for me to share with and just talk, but I’d never expect my friends to have to carry my past for me.

I do feel very blessed that I have good friends and a supportive family who have helped me through a lot. Many times I was man-down emotionally and I’ve come through this really well I believe. Which is why I say, we all have a past and a heavy heart to carry at times, but it doesn’t mean that the heavy part of our heart has clouded over the majority of the glowing part of our heart. The glow will prevail! Just give it a chance. 😉

And believe. I believe and I give everyone I meet and know a fair chance. Even if they’ve had chances before. I forgive, even though I don’t forget, because I have a soft heart. Soft and squishy like marshmallow, and just as much fun! ❤