How long is long enough?

Since the 1st of May my life has had a whirlwind of change. From having my hair cut short and dyed a fiery red, to losing someone extremely close to me, to moving into my first home together, just my boys and I. It’s been a lot of heartache, much soul-searching and buckets of prayers to get us to where we are today.

I resolved to put my “love life”… or want of a “love-life” on hold and get my life on track with regards to work, where we’re living and making sure my children are feeling settled, loved and happy.

I’ve turned down numerous dates and flirts, feeling as though it’s just not the right time for us. I say “us” because it’s my children that are dealing with all this change too and not only me. And in my life, my children come first, then me. So I need to make sure we’re all okay, before I think of involving anyone else in my life.

I was wondering though… how long is long enough to wait before I go on a date again, before I feel as though I want to meet someone. I’m starting to feel a change now, as though I’m ready to start meeting people again. I want to be romanced and made to feel special. I’ve been in a bad space and have been trying to figure out why anyone would want to date me, let alone have a proper relationship with me.

Last night I spent the night with a very good friend, her hubby, her kids and my kids. Seeing how her hubby hugged her and lovingly spoke to her made me want that. Hmmm… hopefully it’s in my future.

RIP George

I remember seeing this movie called Joe’s Apartment, being horrified at it, yet laughing my ass off at it.It’s a comedy about this guy named Joe who moves into this dilapidated apartment block that’s infested with cockroaches that can even talk. LOL I have to hire this movie for Matthew and Joshua to watch! Luckily my kids share my warped sense of humour. Here’s a pic of the movie poster…

Joe's Apartment - The movie

Getting back to George. Who is George? I’ve never mentioned him before. There’s a reason for that! You see, George is a cockroach!

To explain further, the granny flat I live in is next to a car garage that has a roach problem. One particular roach found his way into my flat and couldn’t get back. Now normally, when I see a roach, I grab the nearest shoe and hit ten kinds of shit out of it! But for some reason one morning I saw this lone cockroach cautiously walking along. I haven’t seen a roach in my flat in quite some time so I was quite surprised. I think I’d also just had one of my happy pills because I felt rather happy and “tree huggerish”. Haha, if there is such a word/term. So I just sat, sipping my coffee, watching this roach wonder along and for some reason I didn’t want to squash his insides out with a shoe.

Yes, call me crazy. In fact many do. So for a while after that every few days I’d see this same roach come out to wander around. I know it’s the same roach because he had this funny mark on his one side. LOL! One day Matthew saw the roach and started screaming, “Mommy there’s a cockroach!!”. I calmed him down, and told him and Joshua that this is George (I made up the name on the spot) and that we mustn’t squash him, he’s just visiting. Their faces were delighted! They stood in awe watching this roach walk around feeling things with his feelers.

After that, whenever George was around, the boys would stand and watch him. Until a morning this weekend when I found poor George on his back, feet in the air, dead as a doornail. Matthew saw it and said, “Mommy! George is dead!”. Shame, LOL, I flushed ‘ol George and that was the end of him. I don’t know how he died, old age perhaps, but it was definately not “death by shoe”!

Here’s a pic of the late Mr George Roach…

Here lies George...

Now, don’t go thinking I have a dirty home… I have a lovely, snug, clean home. And I’m not going to start keeping roaches as pets either! The next roach that enters my flat will be flattened with a size 8 shoe so fast he won’t know what’s hit him! I just felt that I had to tell the world the arb story of a friendly roach named George. 🙂

Snort Sniffle SNORE!

I was chatting to a friend on MSN this morning and he said something to me that made me think a bit… yeah I know… I did take 2 paracetamol for the pain. 😉

He said: “ur really sweet, i have no idea why someone hasnt snapped you up”. (sic)

How sweet is that? *blush*

Um sorry, returning to the point, I answered that I think it’s because I’m chubby and I snore. I wonder if it is so. I prefer to say curvy or voluptuous, but let’s just call it what it is, I’m chubby, curvy+, voluptuous uber. I don’t skinny dip, I do indeed chunky dunk. And damn it’s fun!

And yes I snore, not a cute little purring kitten snore. A huge loud roaring snore that rattles the windows!

I guess are the kind of things one leaves off of their Online Dating profile? … Oh dear… oops! 😉

Randomness

I’m dying to blog about something really meaningful and important… but I can’t seem to come up with anything at the moment. There are plenty meaningful and important things happening in my life on a daily basis, but some of them I don’t want to air on the www because I know who reads here and some things are best left private.

How private are you with your feelings and personal life? I’m very private… but if someone earns my trust then I open up totally. Having said that… I do trust rather easily, something I’m working on. 😉

I know a lot of people who are extremely private and don’t open up their feelings that easily, nor do they trust easily. I understand where they’re coming from and respect it and I often wish I could have a few of those traits, however I don’t. I’ve always been a sensitive, trusting, loving, honest and open person – traits that are bound to land a person in hot water, often!

I’ve learnt a lot though as the years have passed and with life experiences I have toughened up a lot! Not enough I know but perhaps in another 10 years time things will be different. I’m not sure I’d like to be much different because believe it or not I actually quite like who I am. lol ;-p And I like to think that’s a good thing!

I look at some people I know, and believe me I love them just the way they are, and they’re tough and strong and can handle alot of life’s punches SO easily, it seems… however I can’t imagine myself being like that. Is that a bad thing?

Am I being random again? I think random is my middle name. 😉

I wonder how much of this I’m passing on to my sons. I’m sure they’re picking up traits of mine, I just hope they have a lot more confidence than me. I wish this for them. They need this growing up because it’s a hard world out there and I don’t want them being bullied or walked over… things that I had to deal with. We only want the best for our children don’t we? I just hope that I get it right.

Thanks, as always, for reading my arb ramblings and nonsensical rubbish. Take care cupcakes! ❤